tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC October 22, 2019 11:34pm-12:37am PDT
finally tonight india is home to the words most expensive chocolate. >> we love chocolate. >> this is going to be expensive. trinity truffles. indian chocolate company cocreated them with a chef from france. three different flavors. to represent a part of the. >> a certificate. >> here it is. price tag is -- >> no, can't be. >> 6,000. >> for how many? >> for a set of three. >> three? >> maybe it's a box. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his
guests - jessica biel billy crudup comedian jay jurden, and featuring the legendary roots cr >> questlove: 1141 >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: oh, thank you very much [ cheers and applause thank you very much, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome to the "tonight show," everybody. thank you for being here [ cheers and applause ]. you made it. "the tonight show.
you guys, tonight was game one of the world series between the houston astros and the washington nationals and this is nice, even though their team's not in it, yankees fans promise to boo whoever wins [ laughter ] well, earlier tonight, abc aired the classic halloween special, "it's the great pumpkin, charlie brown." [ cheers and applause they actually updated it a bit at the end of this version, the great pumpkin gets impeached [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause that's right, the impeachment inquiry is in full swing and i heard that today actually marks the one-month anniversary of the impeachment yeah when he heard that, trump was like, "i can't believe nobody got me a present [ laughter ] not even a card from pierre dilecto?" [ light laughter ] now democrats say the impeachment might take longer than expected because each witness keeps providing even more leads [ light laughter ] so basically, trump's legal strategy is commit so many crimes, they can never finish the investigation.
[ laughter and applause "they're almost done tell don jr. to rob a bank!" and today the top official from the u.s. embassy in ukraine testified, and one congressman called it his most disturbing day in congress. and that's counting the day mitch mcconnell walked out of the sauna without a towel. [ laughter ] is that his -- good god [ light laughter ] now a new report claims vladimir putin is the one who convinced trump that ukraine was corrupt. you can tell putin has a lot of influence over trump, because he also convinced him to trade all of his halloween milky ways for a roll of necco wafers [ laughter ] "it's even trade it's even. you get actually more candy than i do. [ light laughter ] there's like 30 wafers in there. it is a beautiful peppermint chalk -- candy." [ light laughter ] and now some 2020 news there is a new poll out in iowa that shows joe biden and elizabeth warren are nearly tied in the race with pete buttigieg not far behind. pretty interesting poll. take a look. 18% of people said, "i support biden. 17% said, "i support warren. 13% said, "i support buttigieg.
32% said, "i'm still undecided. 24% said, "seriously the election has been going on for months." [ laughter ] 19% said, "oh excuse me, jodi. but before i pick a candidate, i want to get to know them." [ light laughter ] 28% said, "sure carl, just like you've been getting to know your co-worker diane." [ laughter ] 37% said, "hey, you know diane and i are just friends we have to work close together to do a good job." [ light laughter ] 14% said, "you work at the cheesecake factory how hard is that?" [ light laughter ] 21% said, "uhm, have you seen the size of that menu? every day is a culinary minefield. why am i even defending myself what about your job? how's your start up going? and 15% said, "it's going great. everyone agrees that cbd toilet paper is the next big thing. [ laughter and applause 31% said, "well, i think it's gonna go down the toilet, just like our savings and this relationship." [ light laughter ] 40% said, "i'm hanging up, carl." and 60% said, "i hung up ten years ago. [ light laughter ] and finally, 2% said "i support kamala harris. [ cheers and applause
that of course, is our latest installment of our segment, interesting polls. well, in a new interview trump said he doesn't want copies of "the new york times" or "the washington post" in the white house. oh, no trump only keeps one newspaper in the white house, and that he uses to train rudy giuliani. [ laughter ] "bad rudy, bad rudy. you piddled on the carpet again. now get in your cage." [ light laughter ] well if things aren't crazy enough, last night trump apparently retweeted an account called, this is real, dj trump's butt. [ light laughter ] when i saw it, my first thought was, wow, mitt romney really really likes coming up with new twitter accounts [ light laughter ] oh, and i saw that the new logo for the paris 2024 olympics was just revealed. check it out ooh, i like it it's better than the original design, a baguette smoking a a cigarette. [ laughter ] can we see the logo again? something about the logo looks familiar yeah can we turn it sideways? [ pop
yeah, that it. there you go that's what it was [ laughter ] i knew i knew what it was. >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: well, this is exciting, after months of renovations, the museum of modern art has officially reopened here in new york. [ cheers and applause and not only did they update the building, but apparently they also updated the names of the paintings. i'll show you what i mean. here's van gogh's "starry night. but now it's called "mixing nyquil with white claw." [ laughter ] next up, here's warhol's "campbell's soup cans. now it's called, "bernie sanders' glove compartment. [ light laughter ] "hand me a creamy tomato." [ laughter ] here's jackson pollock's "one: number 31, 1950. now it's called "new york jets' playbook." [ laughter ] and finally here's "the bather." now it's called, "dad wakes up at 3:00 a.m. to get a fresca." [ laughter ] oh, this is going viral. a mom in illinois was up all night after seeing a ghost in her baby's crib. did anyone see this li it's pretty creepy check this out look can you see the baby
[ audience ohs ] yeah look at this, right? but then when she finally went into the room the next morning and pulled back the covers, she found the cause. and this is true it was a mattress tag. take a look. [ light laughter ] yeah meanwhile her baby was like, "you waited all night before coming into my room? [ laughter ] [ applause ] ghost baby next to me? and finally, this weekend snoop dogg celebrated his 48th birthday happy birthday [ cheers and applause he received a bouquet of 48 joints [ light laughter ] although what he was really hoping for was an edibles arrangement. there you go [ cheers and applause we have a great show give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause
>> jimmy: we have a fun show tonight. jessica biel is here [ cheers and applause billy crudup is here [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: oh >> jimmy: and we have great standup from jay jurden, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause hey guys, i just wanted to say i've been talking about it i have a book out. a children's picture book out called "this is baby." and i was very proud of it and thank you very much. yeah and i just wanted to thank you all because -- [ cheers and applause wait till you read it, and then you'll see no [ light laughter ] but i just want to say i'm very excited because the list just came out and it is the number one book on "the new york times" best seller list. [ cheers and applause so thank you all so much thank you for picking up a a copy and thanks for all of the help and support. i really, really appreciate it guys, like i said, jessica biel and billy crudup are here tonight. and i'm very excited, because i actually -- it's a pretty crazy
coincidence. we have sort of a long history a lot of people -- not a lot of people know this. but all three of us worked at the same car dealership together, back in the early 90s. >> steve: really >> we even shot some commercials for it >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: but to keep our line readings fresh, our director wouldn't let us see the lines until while we were shooting so we were reading them for the very first time, right there on set. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: well, i found one of our old commercials. so here for the first time in decades, is an ad for jjb autos. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> are you looking for a a high-quality preowned car, truck, or snow mobile, but don't know where to turn well, stop looking, because your ride is here, right here at jjb autos we want to put the keys in your hand today ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: do you like cars do you like "the flintstones?" well, do we have a car for you it doesn't have brakes, but it has two holes in the floor so you have to stop it using your feet good luck, cause you're gonna die. [ laughter and applause >> chrysler, jeep, and honda
those are the names for each toe on my right foot [ engine revving ] >> i don't have my driver's license, but that hasn't stopped me from getting behind the wheel, and it shouldn't stop you no license, no problem but if you're a cop, you gotta kiss me. [ car brakes ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: if you don't buy a a car from me, my wife will leave me for a karate instructor >> and you know who his wife's karate instructor is, my son >> and her son, that's me, and i'm horny as hell. [ laughter and applause [ car horn ] >> jimmy: you ever wonder what happened to oj's white bronco? come on in, we'll show you [ laughter and applause >> bad credit, no credit bad breath, itchy flakey scalp, nausea, heartburn, indigestion, allergic to love roommates with a horse buddy, welcome to my life. [ laughter and applause [ car brakes ]
>> i was born to sell cars, and by born to sell cars, i mean formed with a little monkey tail [ car horn ] >> jimmy: are you looking for something exciting and sexy? we got the car from back to the future not the delorian, the van that the terrorists were driving when they killed doc brown [ laughter ] [ engine revving ] >> we have cars in all the colors yellow gold bronze silvish, jean, john money. moony.brobin, brown. [ light laughter ] marshmallow -- i love color color good [ laughter ] if you like colors, say hee-haw. >> audience: hee-haw [ laughter ] >> me fav color purplug. [ laughter ] carabunga. [ cheers and applause
>> you probably recognize me and no, it's not from my car commercials. i've been standing outside your window every night for the last four nights, just watching you sleep. but don't bother calling 911, i set up my cellphone to ping from three towers away, so it's like i was never there [ light laughter ] i learned that from watching "dateline. [ light laughter ] happy halloween mother [ bleep [ laughter and applause [ car horn ] >> jimmy: eeny, meeny, miney, mar. >> hit a tiger with your car >> i never really -- [ laughter ] i never really knew my dad [ laughter ] >> jjb autos, lease options available. [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: my thanks to jessica biel and billy crudup. [ cheers and applause stick around for more "tonight show" after the break. come on back, everybody.
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>> jimmy: welcome back thank you guys for watching the "tonight show. guys, if there's one thing i've learned doing this show is that no one should have to listen to bad music. so, as a service to you guys, i'm about to play some real songs from real bands that i think you should avoid, in a a segment i call, "my do not play list. here we go ♪ ♪ do not play do not pla do not pla these hits these hits ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: now before we start i just want you all to know that every artist and song i'm about to play for you is 100% real questlove? >> questlove: i don't believe you. >> jimmy: they are real. they're actual bands and actual songs. >> questlove: i don't believe. >> jimmy: this is probably the 10th time we've done this, so you know for a fact they're real >> steve: yeah >> questlove: i don't believe you. >> jimmy: i know, but we met one or two of these people not this pile, but in the past they're real recordings. >> questlove: right. >> jimmy: you can find these - >> questlove: where? >> jimmy: on spotify >> steve: spotify. >> jimmy: amazon >> steve: sure >> jimmy: tidal. >> steve: sure >> jimmy: dexter >> steve: dexter >> jimmy: i made one up. i made that up [ laughter ] or you can see if your local
music store has them they are real songs. so let's see what's on my "do not play" list here we go this one is a singer from atlanta., now lives outside his name is golden boy fospassin and he wrote a song called "happy hump day. [ laughter ] there's golden boy sitting in a chair, talking on the phone. let's take a listen to "happy hump day." here we go ♪ ♪ it's hump day monday was not goo tuesday was not good wednesday is better ♪ ♪ wednesday sounds good ha ha ha h happy hump day to you ♪ ♪ yes you yes you two more days to go ♪ >> jimmy: that's good. i'm pretty sure -- i'm pretty sure he recorded this while on his phone. >> questlove: that's james >> jimmy: that's not james that's not - james did not do that. [ laughter ] he's not monday was not good. tuesday was not good wednesday is better. >> steve: wednesday, better, but not good >> jimmy: he didn't say like wednesday is aswesome. >> steve: still not good >> jimmy: yeah, it's still - >> steve: he said it was good.
>> jimmy: wednesday was better >> steve: he just said happy hump day >> jimmy: happy hump day, man. he probably recorded it, yeah, right there on his phone the next song is a singer named paige powell >> steve: paige -- >> jimmy: her website says that she sounds like sheryl crow, and writes songs in the style of billy joel. >> steve: oh >> jimmy: sounds incredible, let's take a listen to "tumble dry low. ♪ ♪ whenever i go shoppin for clothes that catch my eye ♪ ♪ i look for size and color and price before i buy ♪ ♪ but there i one thing extr before my money's gone ♪ ♪ i've learned to read the label before i try it on ♪ ♪ ♪ tumble dry lo tumble dry low machine wash col and tumble dry low ♪ >> jimmy: that's good, right there. i kind of like that. [ laughter ] ♪ tumble dry low kind of shoved in tumble dry >> steve: yeah, tumble dry >> jimmy: not enough, like more
syllables. >> steve: yeah ♪ tumble dry lo tumble dry low ♪ ♪ wherever do i tha i tumble dry low ♪ >> steve: it's catchy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this next song is from a singer called paul schlosser he's a busker in madison, wisconsin >> steve: oh >> jimmy: and according to his wikipedia, he's put out over 30 albums. [ light laughter ] to put that in perspective, the beatles only put out 13. >> steve: yeah that's 30. that's 3 times as many >> jimmy: 30 albums. let's take a listen to "have a a peanut butter sandwich." >> steve: oh ♪ have a peanut butte sandwich have a peanut butter sandwich ♪ ♪ have a peanut butte sandwich have a peanut butter sandwich ♪ ♪ are you depressed have a peanut butter sandwich ♪ >> steve: wow. [ laughter ] ♪ have a peanut butte sandwich ♪ >> steve: no, now i'm depressed. ♪
♪ coming up to school ♪ ♪ we got the beat we got the bea we got the ♪ ♪ ♪ >> steve: rocking the kalimba with that one. >> jimmy: that's pretty good we're down to our last one here >> steve: aww. >> jimmy: this is from a a brazilian dj called dj mp4 mow mow mow. [ air horn ] >> steve: his name is dj mp4 mow mow mow >> jimmy: i think that symbol means -- >> steve: mow mow mow. [ air horn ] yeah, okay >> jimmy: dj mp4 >> steve: not mp3? >> jimmy: no no, no, no >> steve: no >> jimmy: this is more of a -- yeah don't confuse him with dj jpeg or anything like that. [ laughter ] >> steve: no, no >> jimmy: dj mp4 [ air horn ] thank you. kind of an intense looking dude, by the way looks like he's mad at us. [ laughter ] he wrote a song called "the book is on the table." >> steve: wow.
>> jimmy: well, 'on' is larger font than the other. >> steve: yeah, 'on' is larger and a different color. >> jimmy: "the book is on the table. i'll say it with 'is.' "the book is on the table!" [ laughter ] and this is the first version. so - >> steve: wait - >> jimmy: what's that? >> steve: this is the -- this is the first version? >> jimmy: he released the first version, just, you know what >> steve: just throwing it out there. >> jimmy: yeah >> steve: there's more than one version? >> jimmy: this might be it, right here the first version. so it might be a little rough. be easy on him here he is "the book is on the table. the book is on the table tabl table ♪ ♪ the dog is on the table tabl table ♪ ♪ the cat is on the table tabl table ♪ ♪ the chick is on the table tabl table ♪ ♪ and everybody's on the table ♪ >> jimmy: i like that one. that's all the time we have for "do not play." if you have an album or a song you think that we should use on our next "do not play" list, i want to see it send your suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org stick around
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and get a notification the instant someone new joins your network... only with xfinity xfi. download the xfi app today. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: our first guest an emmy- and golden globe-nominated actress she's the star and executive producer of a new series called "limetown," which releases new episodes every wednesday on facebook watch ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jessica biel [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back thank you so much -- thank you so much for coming back to the show >> i'm so tickled.
>> jimmy: yeah >> that was -- that tickled me >> jimmy: that was just so -- it was so much fun oh, my gosh. that really made me laugh. >> me too. >> jimmy: i got to say, last weekend, right that was a big weekend for you it was you and justin's wedding anniversary. >> yes >> jimmy: that's right how is -- seven years now? [ cheers and applause >> seven years can you believe that >> jimmy: it was seven years ago? >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: i had so much fun at your wedding it was the best, most beautiful wedding. i loved it >> the only problem with that wedding is i didn't get to go as a guest >> jimmy: yeah [ laughter ] >> i want to go back as a guest. but you -- >> jimmy: yeah >> -- you had the most fun at that wedding >> jimmy: i did have a lot - >> do you remember your speech that you made? >> jimmy: i don't remember any of this. >> during justin's speech that he made? >> jimmy: uh-huh i kind of do >> during our reception, justin was giving this beautiful -- "thank you so much for coming. you flew so far. this means the world to us you're our, you know, most beloved. and over in the corner, there were these terrarium things, remember with the big glass lids? and you put it on your head and you just stood up like a weird, old school scuba diver [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god
>> or some sort of an astronaut or something >> jimmy: yeah, i think i was -- yeah, swimming around or something. >> i mean, you were interrupting him and he was laughing back at you and i thought, "thank god this is jimmy," 'cause if it wasn't you -- >> jimmy: i would be thrown out of the wedding >> thrown out. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i kind of remember that. it was these giant fish bowls. >> these giant fish bowl things >> jimmy: yeah, i just put one on and like start pretending i was an astronaut >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah anyways -- [ laughter ] >> i remember that >> jimmy: i'm happy that you invited me [ laughter ] thank you. that's why i don't get invited to any weddings anymore. yeah [ laughter ] isn't that weird >> well, you can always -- if i get married again -- to him again -- >> jimmy: to justin to re -- >> -- you can come >> jimmy: i will >> the remix >> jimmy: the remix? okay, i'll be there. when you guys renew your vows, i'll be there. i was hearing this i was doing some research on this interview, and i saw somewhere it came up that you were never really an nysync fan when they were out >> well -- no. [ laughter ] but, but - >> jimmy: were you like a backstreet boys fan? >> no, no, no. i was -- i was a, like, a lame music-y -- not lame, i was just listening to old school stuff. i was -- i was listening to theater productions. i was listening to "rent." i was like -- knew every word of "rent."i s listening otown.
i was listening to old school stuff. i like lived under a rock. just -- i wasn't into po culture music. >> jimmy: 'cause we actually found an interview of jessica biel during those times that nysync was around [ light laughter ] it's pretty -- pretty interesting to see >> jimmy, jimmy. >> jimmy: this is years before you and justin ever met. >> no, please. >> jimmy: here's jessica biel in 1999 being asked -- >> no, no, please. >> jimmy: if she's an nysync fan. take a look. >> oh. >> to be honest, i don't listen -- i haven't really -- i mean, i know of them, of course and i've heard of them, and i've heard the music i don't think i own any of their cds. i'm not a huge fan um - but, i mean, cool, i guess [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: oh, my god you're in so much -- dude, you're in so, so much trouble. oh, my god my god, i mean -- "cool, i guess. [ laughter ] oh, my god >> the attitude. >> jimmy: your attitude you had, yeah. but you don't know -- you don't know -- now, you probably know some nysync songs. right? >> not reay. [ laughter ]
i -- i mean, listen, it became very clear to me just a month ago when we were with our friends. we were hanging out again in italy somewhere and we were trying to play truth or dare, which is the dumbest thing to do with a bunch of like, late 30-year-olds >> jimmy: yeah >> it was a bad idea everyone knows each other's truth. so it's boring >> jimmy: yeah, you're just like, "let's just play dare. >> so we just played dare. >> jimmy: yeah >> and my dare was i have to sing an nysync song, all the lyrics, all the melodies and i literally -- i couldn't. i only know three words. "bye, bye, bye." [ laughter ] >> which is, i guess, one word three times. >> jimmy: that's one word three times. but still, that's the one. that's the one to know >> and i wasn't allowed to sing that i had to sing something else justin coached me through the chorus, the verse. >> jimmy: oh, no >> i'm looking at the words. it was so embar -- it was humiliating. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> really humiliating. >> jimmy: i love it. it's hilarious we should both work on -- we'll find a song. >> okay. >> jimmy: and do a duet and surprise justin. >> would you help me >> jimmy: yeah, i will help you. yeah we'll do it, yeah. 'cause i'm a giant fan
[ laughter ] >> i know. >> jimmy: you do know that right? yeah >> i know. >> jimmy: i want to know talk about your show "limetown. this is on facebook watch. this is good that you're starring in this you executive produced this. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and this based on this podcast that was fascinating. >> yes >> jimmy: it was really cool >> did you love it >> jimmy: yes, i - >> oh, i loved it so much. >> jimmy: who -- who did the podcast again? >> well, zack akers and skip bronkie they created this podcast. they -- and they created the story. i thought it was real. >> jimmy: no, at first yeah, because me, too. >> 100% real i was into true crime stuff. >> jimmy: but this is at the time -- me, too. >> so i thought for sure this is something i missed. like the news goes so quickly. >> jimmy: like a true crime podcast. and what is the story again? >> so the story is this town, this small kind of, um, uh -- science community -- >> jimmy: yeah >> sort of everyone in the town disappears one day and there's -- there's no -- no leads, no nothing. it's like the town was full of people one day the next day it's just empty >> jimmy: yeah >> and that was 15 years in the past so when we start our show, my character's an investigative
journalist and she has her own podcast, and she actually has a personal connection. one of her family members was one of the missing so, she wants to open up the case, and she gets a lead. >> jimmy: wow. >> and then -- you go into the story. >> jimmy: but it is -- it's a fantastic story. it's done so well by you i want to show everyone a clip here's jessica biel in "limetown. take a look at this. >> you're right. you're right >> what do you mean? >> it's about me it's about me because when limetown disappeared i felt like i was erased along with it but i'm stuck. i'm still stuck here in between and everyone in limetown, they're stuck, too they're here, stuck in between with me. and see? we are linked. okay we are smaller parts of a larger chain and we are locked together, and every one
of those people that regains their lives -- that makes me less stuck >> jimmy: ooh. >> whoo! [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: jessica biel, everybody. check out new episodes of "limetown" tomorrow on facebook watch. we'll be right back with billy crudup stick around [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ limu emu & doug and now for their service to the community, we present limu emu & doug with this key to the city. [ applause ] it's an honor to tell you that liberty mutual customizes your car insurance so you only pay for what you need. and now we need to get back to work. [ applause and band playing ] only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪
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>> jimmy: billy crudup, we love it when you come on the show >> i'm so happy to be here >> jimmy: thank you for bein back >> thank you for having me, man. >> jimmy: last time we were here -- most of the times we talk about -- you go to these charity sporting events. >> well, yeah. i have been to them before, it's true. sometimes -- >> jimmy: you were saying that it's kind of a bummer for you because a lot of people don't recognize you when they either play with you or something, they go -- >> who knew a lot of, um -- charitable golfers don't go to the theater. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, you're a big -- 'cause you're -- in the theater world, you're very known i mean, you're a great theater actor. >> well, i've been working in the theater for a while, jimmy, so i hope that - >> jimmy: have you been -- but have you been to a new tournament or a charity -- >> no, actually, i went to -- it was broadway poker, uh -- tournament to benefit broadway
cares/equity fights aids >> jimmy: okay >> i figured there -- thank you for bringing it up -- there i would be known >> jimmy: yeah >> and it was at sardi's i don't know if anybody here has been to sardi's. [ scattered applause ] >> jimmy: that's legendary >> on the wall they have all of the caricatures of every actor that you've ever seen on broadway >> jimmy: yeah >> except for me [ laughter ] so that was -- i felt a little slighted there as well >> jimmy: you're not on sardi's wall >> i'm not on sardi's wall and i looked i spent a lot of time looking. >> jimmy: oh, my - [ laughter ] >> however, i went to school at the university of north carolina at chapel hill, and there was a restaurant -- ah [ cheers ] >> jimmy: that's good. >> that's a tarheel. >> jimmy: more people know that than they went to sardi's. yeah, that's very interesting. [ laughter ] >> there was a restaurant there called spanky's, and at spanky's they had caricatures up there, and they did have a billy crudup caricature up there. >> jimmy: there you go that's good, right [ applause ] come on. that's fantastic >> yeah, my friend, clinton payne sent me a picture of it.
and he suggested that i should go down and try to recover that caricature because he didn't feel like it represented me in a flattering way >> jimmy: i have it. i have a picture of the -- [ light laughter ] >> well, i'll let the audience be the judge of -- >> jimmy: what do you think is the problem here, is that -- >> i feel like my chin is misrepresented in some way >> jimmy: you think it looks like a different body part, maybe? >> i don't know. i -- i - >> jimmy: yeah, i'll let the audience decide. here's a caricature of billy crudup [ laughter and applause ♪ stand up now, do you think this looks like - [ laughter ] no, sorry, billy no, no, i mean, do you think this is -- no, no, billy, come here come back, don't leave don't walk away. don't walk off ♪ i just wanted to know if that was you. that's all i think it's fantastic when we first met -- we both starred -- >> "almost famous.
>> jimmy: have you heard the play -- it's becoming a broadway play. >> cameron crowe is doing the musical. >> jimmy: a musical. >> a musical >> jimmy: have you talked to cameron? >> um -- have you >> jimmy: it's interesting that -- cameron, you haven't talked to cameron about this >> it's funny, but has he been on the show recently >> jimmy: cameron crowe was recently on our show >> and did he talk to you about something? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: he offered me a role in the broadway musical. >> that's what i mean. that's what i -- [ light laughter ] when was the last time that you were on broadway i'm sorry? [ laughter ] where do you put your tony what about your obie award or your drama desk award or your outer critics circle award >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, billy -- >> if you did beckett and pinter and repertory on broadway or chekov, or shakespeare in the park -- >> jimmy: i'm just saying -- >> so cameron calls you. >> jimmy: yeah and, uh -- >> you can be in the broadway musical. >> jimmy: it's going to be my broadway debut "almost famous," the movie that you made famous. [ laughter ]
>> what a dick [ laughter and applause >> jimmy: i'm just going to be there. i can't wait >> everybody's a triple threat >> jimmy: the great white way. i mean, this is going to be unbelievable for me. let's talk about your big show, this is apple plus "apple plu," as i say. >> "the morning show." this is a new show on apple plus i'm required to say that, working for them >> jimmy: yeah this is reese witherspoon, this is jennifer aniston. >> steve carell. >> jimmy: steve carell it's a big - >> mimi leder directed it. written by kerry ehrin it is a really ambitious project that tries to take on all of the topics that are happening in workplaces all over the country right now as we have a social reordering of the power structure and people trying to understand their new place in the workplace. >> jimmy: is that why you wanted to do it or is it more that the cast or the excitement >> well, these are straight up some of the most ambitious, creative, bad asses working in television so if you get an opportunity to work with them, you jump at it just about every chance you can get.
and this part ended up being a a pretty wicked, cool part that i felt like -- it was a guy that i felt like i've seen a a lot in new york. probably at some of these charity golf events or charity poker events who didn't want to talk to me but hyper-ambitious, really aggressive, and thinks that everybody is in the middle of the game that he is playing. and so he's kind of like a lion tamer and this is, like, the three-ring circus to him >> jimmy: do you want to -- can you set up this clip or do you need to -- >> yeah, so, i don't want to give away any spoilers, but jennifer aniston's character, she is the anchor r the morning news program, and i'm the president of the network and there has been a a restructuring since steve carell's character has been ousted. and jennifer's character makes a play on who is going to replace him. >> jimmy: here we go i want to show everyone a clip here's billy crudup in "the morning show." take a look at this. >> all right, so hey, give me
a month of "the alex and bradley show." ei they rk well together, or it's horrible regardless, putting bradley in lets us get back to replacing alex it will be interesting and fun and fresh, you know, which is imperative right now >> i want to make something clear. i have an easy fall guy when all this goes to [ bleep ] >> oh, we're talking about me, right? chaos. it's the new cocaine, fred >> jimmy: billy crudup, everybody! [ cheers and applause one of the best, billy crudup. "the morning show" premiers november 1st on apple tv plus. we'll be right back with standup from jay jurden. stick around everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ trick-or-treat.
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[ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: our next guest can be seen at zanies in chicago on november 18th. making his television debut here on "the tonight show," please welcome the very funny jay jurden [ cheers and applause ♪ >> hey my name is jay jurden and i recently went to the doctor. i was diagnosed with a very
rare but very treatable condition. i have what's known as black best friend face [ laughter ] you see it [ laughter ] i just look like every black best friend in tv shows, movies, college campus brochures. [ laughter and applause that's me. [ cheers ] i'm just happy and nappy next to the science building. [ laughter ] doing my best to learn about these electrons. [ laughter ] stop laughing. we need more of us in s.t.e.m. with this face [ laughter ] and with this personality. i'm also an actor and as an actor, my job is very easy because whenever i audition, my lines are just variations of "man, that crazy." [ laughter ] "yo, my momma would never let me do that, but you need to get out there and dance. [ laughter ] "excuse me, but what the hell - is a scone?" and -- [ laughter ]
for the record, i know what a scone is i love scones. [ light laughter ] people say, "jay, you want to become a famous actor? move out to los angeles? start dating white women?" and to those to people i say, "women whoo you must think i'm a really good actor." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause i like making people smile there's so many beautiful smiles out there, including but not limited to my own. yes. [ laughter ] natural smile, never had braces that's right he did this. i'm talking about the big orthodontist in the sky. [ laughter ] it's as if god said, "your teeth will be straight, but you won't. [ laughter and applause speaking of religion, my dad's side of the family is catholic that's right black catholics do exist [ light laughter ] we say "hail mary j. blige [ laughter and applause full of grace in this
dancerie." [ laughter ] now, i'm not straight, but i do like straight people in fact, straight people, make some noise that's enough. [ laughter ] we can't take y'all nowhere. [ light laughter ] i did something kind of drastic this past fall took a neck with my straight homeboys i joined a fantasy football league [ cheers ] yeah, i thought it was something completely different [ laughter ] [ chrspplause my friend said -- my friend said, "jay, you want to play fantasy football?" i said, "yes what is it?" he said, "it's me, you, six other dudes. i said, "stop right there. [ laughter ] i already said yes [ laughter ] no need to sweeten the deal. [ laughter ] turns out i was mistaken as you guys all know fantasy football is just book club for straight dudes [ laughter ] it's just a safe space where they can go to gossip and talk about their feelings, and
that's okay. see? wh g gosp, we're called catty when straight man gossip, it's called a podcast [ laughter ] i know what you guys are thinking "wow, a lot of gay stuff," and you're right whoops the reason i do this - [ laughter ] -- the reason i do this is because i still have to deal with bigotry and homophobia even in 2019 i'm doing a show a few months ago in new york city i get on stage, say some of my jokes. a guy in the front row gets up, grumbles, "i didn't know there was going to be a gay guy here." left the show. and in my head i'm thinking, "sir, what are you doing this is new york city. there are definitely more outside. [ laughter and applause [ cheers and applause you need to stick with the evil you know [ laughter ] i'm originally from mississippi. i went mississippi, alabama, new york, which is just the underground railroad [ laughter ]
the original subway. [ light laughter ] and now, i live with my boyfriend, and i love him so much he really is the best health insurance provider i can find. [ laughter and applause my co-pay is just kisses [ laughter ] don't ask about my deductible. that's personal. [ laughter ] we live in a neighbor that i would describe the same way many of you will describe me after the show my neighborhood is urban, but safe [ laughter ] this older gentlemen, who's lived there for years, he noticed that the neighborhood was changing, and he saw me going into my building with my scones, and he said "aye, young blood. neighborhood's changed." and i said, "yeah, homie for the better." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause thank you so much. i'm jay jurden this has been a dream come true [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: jay jurden for more info, visit jayjurden.com.
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[ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: my thanks to jessica biel [ cheers and applause billy crudup, jay jurden once again. [ cheers and applause and the roots right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania [ cheers and applause stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. thank you for watching have a great night i hope to see you tomorrow, bye-bye everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪
[ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight -- james spader star of "schooled," actor and comedian tim meadows cooking with "new york times" od cumnist alison roman, featuring the 8g band with terence higgins. ♪ [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. how is everybody doing tonight [ cheers and applause great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news president trump was widely condemned on social media this morning after he claimed democrats are treating